2008 and my 2009

2008 was one hell of a year. We’ll see what 2009 has in store for us. And here’s my list, between myself and I:

1- Be less nice to ppl I don’t need to be nice to in the first place
2- Lose my 5 KGs
3- Stop spreading myself thin for ppl who are not worth it
4- Listen to my gut feeling
5- Concentrate on what matters
6- Less talking, more listening
7- Try not to take everything so personally and lighten up
8- Try not to be so trusting, my back is decorated with stab wounds
9- Try to heal from those wounds and move on and let go, rather than just storing them in that
box in the back of my mind
10- Try to stop pleasing everyone but myself
11- Stop exaggerating my problems with myself

And the list goes on (u don’t want to know how much more of a psycho I am)… but I don’t know what else to add… see, anyone who sees me think I’m this confident, successful, see the half full glass kinda girl, and I am…. I am happy, I am confident, and Al Hamdulilah I’m content , but I’m screwed up as well… silly things tips off my balance… not anything, but stupid little things hurt me… and that tips off my balance… and I wish I could be hurt less, or just immune myself to the silliness. It would definitely help me in the long run, less frown lines!!!

I don’t like being hurt (like who does eh!) and I do everything in my power not to get hurt. I don’t do well with hurt, I’m just one of those people that collapses internally when hurt, of course no one is any wiser, because I don’t usually share, I just collapse with myself and I have me to pick me up… and that’s why I’m extra nice, that is why I spread myself thin, especially for my friends and family, because I don’t want anyone to do anything that would hurt me… weird self defense mechanism?! Things happens, and yes, I do know that hurt is a part of life, but I try to avoid it as much as possible… but see, I guess being over-protective only makes u less immune to hurt and no matter how well prepared you are, something always will sneak up on you when you least expect it… hey, I’m still raw… my wound is still fresh… so excuse the extra melancholy!

Okaaaayyy, enough drama for one day! But hey, it’s my blog, I’m allowed! :P I’m being cheeky, lol, did it work? Hehe

I’m listening to Travis’s “Sailing Away” , and will leave you at that :)

Created: December 7, 2008

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