Romana's words

Its either I’m a hypocrite (just a bit :P), or people have different convictions over time. I also sucked-up a lot!!! I hated myself… when I read some of my comments to some of the bloggers all I kept thinking, ughhhhhh bloody hell, can you suck-up any more! I was trying to be nice… and ended up all over the place! That’s my problem, I try to be nice to avoid hurting people’s feelings, and end up doing something I’m not content with. What does that say about me!?! I was not genuine. I just kept over-doing it sometimes, saying things that doesnt completely represent me as a person. I started this blog to be me, but ended up being a bit of everyone I despise. I'm not saying that I did not enjoy writing the blogs, or that the words written are ones that I don't approve of or feel like I need to detach myself from, no, I enjoyed every word and all the time spent typing and conjuring them :) and it was me all the way, I just can't help but think that romana today isn't the same romana that typed those words to the extent that I'm calling her a hypocrite! I think i have split personality disorder or something!!! :P

I don’t even know why I’m blogging again, a part of me does not want anyone to find out that I’m blogging again I just want this space for myself, but at the same time, I want my words to be read, laughed at, commented on… I just don’t want those compliments that we Libyans are so good at. I don’t want anyone to comment out of courtesy… I don’t want anyone saying they liked something so they wouldn’t offend me, really, no one owes anyone anything, so can we be ourselves in this so called anonymous space of ours?

Now why I felt different? I can’t really put my finger on it… but I didn’t feel it was me all the way… I loved the font Verdana then, I thought it was the most beautiful font there is, now I’m in love with Arial size 10, and as silly as this sounds, but that is change too… I wore more colours, and been wearing less colour than I used to and lots of black lately (not just to look slimmer :P) … ok, I’m being a bit morbid ? Hehe I don’t want to try and attempt to understand myself, I will just go with the flow … it’s much easier this way… it’s probably just a phase… but then again, life is a series of phases :)