Romana's words

I used to write, write a lot, it was my way of letting me out of me… as silly as those words sound, but writing was a way I could express myself without anyone judging me…without anyone grading me, without anyone telling me, Romana, this isn't right… the fact that I chose to spend my time, my space, typing away on a WordPad means it’s the right thing, for me. I don’t want someone telling me this isn’t right… im not a kid anymore, I know im not a proper adult, but im old enough to make my own decisions, ones I can truly call mine. I miss writing, I miss letting go, I miss the satisfaction of it all, I just miss forming words into sentences, and say "I wrote this" I miss it.

I'll share this with you, I've always wanted to be a writer… I don’t know what else I have to add to the world, I just know im another different person… yes I am but a mere population statistic to the world, but I matter to my friends, to my family, to the people I communicate with, to the people I share something with no matter how trivial. I do exist, all I have to do is write and let you know that I DO EXIST…or else u wouldn't have known, I would've been a statistic to you too.

You know what I want to do? I want to apologize to all the people I've hurt during my life, we all do it one way or another, passively, actively, it's not the way, it’s the result… it is done… it is true the intention is what matters the most, but when someone is hurt, can we stop and say " I did not mean to hurt to, it wasn't my intention to hurt you, it's not my fault" or rather say " im so sorry I've hurt you" and stop there, and ask what was the cause of hurt…why was I the reason to ache that someone's heart?

Feelings are abstract; they've been teaching us that since primary school, as an example for the word "abstract".
Often than not, one of my ex-friends and I would have this argument "I did not say anything to hurt u, why are u hurt, I did not mean to" she'd say, and I'd tell her " but im hurt, I cant control being hurt, I am just hurt" can you control being hurt?

God I miss her.
I usually write down lines from movies, cause I simply fall in love with them,
"She's a great person, she's just not great with me" I can't remember what movie that was in, but that’s how I best describe my relationship with my ex-friend. She is a great person…….

"I did what I had to do, because it was the right thing to do that is all. Now we are all ordinary people, but even in an ordinary secretary, or an ordinary housewife, or a teenager, can within their own small ways turn on a small light in a dark room"
From the movie Freedom Fighters.
It is a beautiful movie, an extension to my "what would you do if you where in their shoes???" post. It says it all. It’s a true story. If you can get it, please do, I guarantee you will love it as much I did.

Im typing this from home, I want to share it with you, share my feelings, true feelings with you. Hey you got to see my emotional side!

You take care, all of you, everyone who has you in their lives is lucky, and you are lucky because you are in their lives.